Mathematics is the maid and the queen of all sciences at the same time. Formulas describe complex natural phenomena with cold impartiality. What can be say about love? Can mathematics predict its occurrence?
Mathematics is by no means fortunetelling. However, maximizing chances for a happy and long-term relationship is quite a mathematical task.
Can mathematics give us a piece of advice for everyday life? For instance, how to meet a perfect partner?
Let’s start with applying mathematical sampling method and forming pre-selection. Who is your ideal partner? Take a pen and paper and write down what merits would you like to see in your beloved and what qualities do you hate. And now cross out from the first column all but those without which you are not ready to build a relationship. In the second one, leave only those that you absolutely can’t stand. Skip potential candidates who possess the qualities of your second column, as well as those who do not have the full list from the first one. You will eliminate a huge number of unsuitable partners, and save time for really good relationship! Mathematician Peter Backus in his article “Why I don’t have a girlfriend” resorted to this strategy. Peter isn’t very demanding: he wants to find a girl in the right age group who lives nearby and has a university education. He is interested in livable, attractive and considering him attractive woman. According to his calculations, in the whole UK there are only 26 potential candidates for his heart! In other words, his chances in finding one of these wonderful women are negligible. This disappointing result encourages to consider reduction of requirements if Peter does not want to spend his life alone…
How to increase your chances to meet someone interesting?
Imagine a party with an equal number of men and women and where everyone has to meet a pair. In 2012 the winning strategy of searching a partner was awarded the Nobel Prize in economics and is known as the Gale-Shapley algorithm, or “algorithm of deferred consent”. Mathematical calculations show that those who are actively looking for a partner are always in a better position than those who are waiting to be found. This makes sense: if you find yourself in such a party, choose the most attractive member of the opposite sex and, if you are rejected, go to the next in your list. As a result, you find yourself with the best partner of all who are willing to deal with you. If you sit and wait until someone starts talking to you, you’ll spend an evening with the least disgusting among those who dare to approach you. And it does not matter whether you are looking for a companion, for a friend or for a partner for life. In this sense, you get quite a practical piece of advice: taking initiative is useful!
What about those who are not distinguished by beauty? Is their density always to be at the end of the list?
Here it is worth mentioning Zabolotsky’s poem: “So what is beauty? Is it an empty vessel or fire flickering in it?” Mathematician Christian Rudder, one of the founders of the dating site Okcupid, spent 10 years analyzing the data. He found that popularity does not depend on attractiveness. On the contrary. By measuring attractiveness of each participant of the site, he discovered that the most popular are the people who have received the full range of different marks. If you look at a person who is considered beautiful by far most likely people think, he/she will get a lot of suggestions, so why to waste your time to be rejected? If you think that this person would find attractive by a few people, it gives courage to get in touch. So math gives a practical piece of advice: do not hide your flaws! Show your features, even if you push away part of potential candidates. When you really meet your person, he/she will love you for who you are. And you do not need those who step aside anyway!
Let’s say you have achieved a sound success. How long to wait before you tie the knot?
Here let’s refer to a secretary problem formulated by Martin Gardner in 1960. The bride is looking for a life partner for the only vacant place, choosing from a variety of suitors. Thus, once rejected, she can not return to the previous candidate. It is suggested that the optimal strategy is to abandon the first third, then accept the first offer which will be better than all the previous ones. This method has risks, but it is proved mathematically that there is no better strategy. From a practical point of view, people act in a similar way. In youth, we give ourselves time to look around and then begin a serious search. So unconsciously we use mathematical algorithms in our behavior!
How to avoid divorce after marriage?
Psychologist John Gottman together with the mathematician James Murray studied the conversations of couples and learned how to predict the likelihood of divorce with an accuracy of 90%. It turns out that there is a direct connection between the disputes and lasting family life. Naively one thinks that marriage will last long in couples with high negativity threshold who do not pay attention to anything and enter into a dispute as a last resort. Surprisingly, studies showed the opposite. Those couples who manage to discuss even small things build the happiest and long-term relationship. Those continuously solve potentially sensitive issues before they develop into a serious rift. So, if you have something that bothers you, try to talk! It’s amazing that mathematics is able to give this king of advice!
Finally, let me sum up. Decide what is important to you, do not compromise your principles and be active. Consider a sufficient number of candidates before making a choice. And having made it, do not let small troubles ruin your feelings. And of course trust your heart. After all, no matter how wise mathematics is, love is the wiser! Love and be loved!
Research scientist at Princeton University,
Dr. Olga Driga
(Olga Driga, doctor of physics and mathematics works at Princeton University. To prove that mathematics is useful in every days life she discusses laws of mathematics applied to relations.)